Recently, someone asked me why we would want to add another wife to our family. While there isn't really a simple answer for that, I will try.
Sister wives or co-wives have a bond that not everyone can understand, having that bond is something I am really looking forward to. There is a saying that, "It takes a Village to Raise a Child". I believe it to be true. Can there ever be enough love in a family? Can there truly ever be too much nurturing and support for children? I don't think so, neither does my husband. We are very present parents, who each add to our children's lives in our own way. We compliment each other, discuss things and parent together. Our children are turning out all the better for it. I believe the right person will only add to our children's development. You can never have enough positive role models in a child's life.
What I dream about in a sister wife/co wife is that she will add to the love in our marriage and family. My husband is a good man, he is a wonderful father and I know he will make a wonderful spouse to our new partner. I'm not threatened by sharing him, I know some would be. I'm not saying poly living is for everyone. We will both love our new partner and that will only add to our love, it doesn't take away from it.
What I want is for my children to be my new spouse's children, for us to be one big family. Not too separate families. Women can support each other in amazing ways when they work together. Just as my husband is my best friend, I'm looking for our new spouse to be another best friend as well. We can support and encourage each other, working as partners in our new marriage. Who wouldn't look forward to being there for a sister wife when she is ready to have children? When that time comes I will share in the joy with my sister wife and our husband. That said, we aren't rushing into anything, we want to take our time and make sure we find the right spouse. That is as important for us as it is for her. Marriage is a big commitment, poly marriage is no different, when we commit to our new spouse she will be a part of our family in every way. If she already has children, they will be a part of our family in every way as well.
Our family does just about everything together, we are very close. Yet there are times when I would really enjoy having another woman around. We can do things together that the boys might not be interested in doing together. There are times when it will be nice to have another woman's point of view. Someone with whom I am fully ready to share the love of my husband with, that is what I'm looking for in a new spouse.
That said, we are not looking to add a string of wives. We believe two wives in our family will be the perfect number for us. Together instead of a couple we will be a trouple! I'm not judging poly families that have more, but just like poly living isn't for everyone, more than two wives isn't for us. Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, "Polygamy is not as bad as people think. I would rather be third in line to a good man, than the only wife of a jerk". I believe that is true. I have a wonderful husband, he has supported me in everything I do. When I was pregnant with our fourth, I had several of the nurses tell me that they had never seen a more attentive husband. My perinatologist said the very same thing. My husband is protective, yet loving. He is strong, but also passionate and tender. He's not afraid to show affection, yet he is a man in every sense of the word. He is never abusive in any way. My opinion means something to him, he values my input, he is always fair and never callous. He is head of the family and a positive male role model for our children. Friends are constantly telling me how lucky I am to have Scott, I know it. He feels lucky to have me. When we find the right person, we will feel fortunate to have found her. We have a great marriage. I don't believe people should pursue polygamy without a great marriage. Poly living will not fix your marriage, it isn't fair to bring someone into a marriage that doesn't have a strong foundation. We have that, why wouldn't I want to share that with someone else?
We are very affectionate, we have a passionate marriage, this has only grown over the years. It hasn't diminished. Having another wife in our marriage will not diminish this. Our new spouse will have a full partnership in our marriage, she will not be a second class citizen. In some ways poly living gives women more freedom, not less. There are more people to nurture the children. The family only has more love and encouragement, they can truly support each other in every aspect of their lives. We will support our new spouse in her goals and dreams the same way we do with each other now. What could possibly be wrong with that?
This isn't about giving up something in our marriage, it's about adding to it.
Tonight, we told a very close friend about our "J", the special lady we are courting. This friend means a lot to our family, she may live on the other side of the town, but we both cherish her friendship. It went better than I could have ever expected. Turns out, she is already friends with a polygamous wife! Sheeesh, guess she keeps really good secrets :) Our friend is excited for us! She was thrilled right off the bat, even before she asked questions! She said, our marriage is the strongest she knows and thinks its wonderful. She can't wait to meet J when she comes for the visit, without a doubt she is thrilled for us. I'm so glad we decided she would be the first local friend we told, we had decided a bit ago she would be. But, I had wanted to tell her in person, I thought that would be better. I'm so glad we didn't wait, because now we have a close friend who supports us, is excited for us and loves us regardless.
