Someone Special....

Someone special has come into our lives, or should I say two special people. Because this someone special has an adorable child! I'm excited, I'm elated and this person puts a huge smile on my face when my phone buzzes. Its been a crazy few weeks, our oldest came home from University and its the shortest visit yet. So, we packed in a lot of family fun in a short period of time. We had a great time, but I'm a bit tired. I've been meaning to write for some time, in fact I have a few posts I do need to publish, that are sitting waiting. This one gets to jump to the head of the line.

This special person found us, we did not find her. She stumbled across my blog and read all the posts, she got to know us through the blogs before we even knew she was there. She's never commented on any of the posts and as you know I haven't been posting much anyway. We had put our search on the back burner while we went through my health crisis, which thanks to the Lord above we got through and are back to just being "us".

As I was saying, this special lady found us, she wrote us and her mail was returned. Why? I have no clue... But she still wrote us again, as Scott recently said, Who does that?!? I can tell you for the most part if mail is returned, that is it if I think I have the address correct. I'm so glad she wrote us again, in fact I'm thrilled she wrote us again. I loved the look on my husband's face when he saw her picture, I love how he said, We're going to write this one, right?!? It was adorable. I'm so glad we wrote her. I don't know where life will lead us or what God has in store. But I do know that this feels different than anyone we've ever talked to. I feel like we already know her and we have so much in common. Now, I'm not looking for some carbon copy of me. If she has other interests, that is great. It is nice to have things in common though. She doesn't have to look at the world through my eyes, I can celebrate differences as much as I can things we have in common.

Her son is just so handsome, you can tell he is smart. We've seen video and he is just so cute. He reminds me a lot of our second son. You can just tell he is thinking. He is also so sweet. There is one video where he tries to share his ice cream with his Mother, its just so touching. I love to hear about him, what they are doing, going to the park, etc. She is a wonderful Mother, you can tell he is her whole world and her priority. She feels the same way about him as we do about the boys. There is NOTHING more important than our children and our family. Finding someone who feels that way has been our priority. He deserves the best, he deserves a great family and so does she. The fact that she is looking for a family, not just a husband, well that I fully believe. Not because I want to believe it, but you can tell that she means it.

Its interesting that when you find someone who you feel a special bond with, its interesting that things you never thought you could find yourself thinking or doing...Well, I just have to say that sometimes you surprise yourself. Now, I'm never going to say what this is, but there was something that a month ago I would have thought it would be a deal breaker. That said, I would like to say the content of her character has already been proven, because of that and some prayer along with some education on our part. This deal breaker is not a deal breaker at all, now it might be with someone else, but not with her. Now our reaction; surprised Scott some, it surprised me a bit and it surprised her as well. God works that way, he helps you through things and helps you grow in ways you never thought possible. This time he did it rather quickly, we prayed and I can tell you I have never felt such an immediate  answer to my prayer in all my life. I felt as if he had tapped me on the shoulder and showed me the way. Even filling my head with words that made perfect sense to the situation. Words I didn't have earlier before the prayer. Scott had the same experience and it took us both by surprise. I do believe God is taking the lead, I'm going to trust Him. The past is the past, the only thing that matters is where we go from here.

Now, the only sense of frustration I have found so far is that I wish we lived closer. I want to just make a date and go out to dinner. I want to go to the movies or go to the park with her. Its frustrating and this is only the beginning! I know that we are just getting to know each other and there will be visits. But right now, I just wish we could get the two of them together with our family. I want to do things together! The fact that we can't at the moment.... Well, it is bothering me more than I would have ever imagined. We are new to this long distance thing... Its a new stage for all of us. She's new to all this too. So, we are going down this journey together and we will see where we end up. Let's hope with God's help, we might just end up a family.  

I must admit, I'm a little scared. Anyone who knows me well knows I wear my heart on my sleeve. Its something I can't change, its who I am, I don't think I want to change it. It does mean, that I am easily hurt. I know that in order to open up your heart to someone there is a chance you could get hurt. I'll take that chance, because if you don't take that chance you might miss out on something special or someone special. She thinks that this is what she wants, I hope it is, but she's new to all this and hasn't been looking for a family for very long. That scares me a bit. I also hope that our strong feelings off the bat don't scare her. I can say that when Scott and I started dating, he had this feeling right away that I was the one. It scared me a bit, even though I knew he wasn't in a hurry and he wasn't expecting anything immediate. It still scared me. He has always been able to pick things up with feelings, he's often right about them.  I'm so glad it didn't scare me off though, because I would have missed out on so much. I wouldn't change spending my life with Scott for anything or everything in the whole wide world. What we have is precious and priceless in my opinion. I hope that we can share that with her. I think she's special and she deserves to be happy. She deserves to be supported in what she wants out of life and so does her son. The both deserves a loving family.

When I started this blog, I asked God to send us the right person for our family. Scott and I have prayed that I can't tell you how many times. Just when you least expect it, sometimes God answers your prayers. At the very least, we can end up friends. But I can say whole heartily that I hope it ends up something far more than a friendship. One thing we did ask God, is to recognize when God sent us the right person, I think we've done that. Let's hope that when we find that right person, she's able to recognize that we're the right family for her.

Now, we're not in a rush. We are going to take our times and get this right. We're just going to get to know each other, see how the pieces fall in place and where God leads us. No matter what, I'm glad we've met someone special.

I'm not picking your pocket, nor am I breaking your leg.

On our journey, I've come across all kinds of people. From those who email you just to tell you they don't agree with what you're doing, other families searching, women searching for families, to haters who aren't just sharing their opinion, but are down right abusive. And then there are people interested in what we are doing and want to know more, people writing papers, etc.

I've made some great friends, each one means a lot to me. I'm still in touch with some of them, others I lost contact with when I was absent. I'm glad to be back and working on my blog again. We always seem to have a lot going on and busy, as happens when you have a busy family. I plan on sharing more of what we are doing on a regular basis, so that you can get to know us better.

Recently, I made a new friend. I have to say, we have had a lot of fun getting to know each other; we laugh and often finish each others sentences. She's very easy to talk to and I find myself looking forward to talking to her and so does Scott. I don't really know where things will lead. We have a great deal in common, but right now it is far too early to say this person is anything other than a friend. Her life is not ready for anything serious at the moment, there are some loose ends, but who knows what the future holds.

I would say all in all, the people I have come across far outweigh those that are negative. Even if there are times when there is more hate mail in my box than positive, those that are positive over ride anything negative. Perhaps I do wear my heart on my sleeve. Yet, I'm not going to change who I am or what I want out of life because of the negativity of others. What I can't believe is that I actually allowed the negativity of others to keep me from sharing here on my blog. Doing so only allows those haters to control you, perhaps that is their real motive. Control.

What a sad existence one must have to have nothing better to do than to try and upset others. You have a right to your opinion, but you don't have the right to share it in a degrading, insulting way. The truth is that I don't care if you agree with our search or not. As long as what I am doing does not hurt you in any way, you really have no right to dictate my life. One of our founding Fathers, Thomas Jefferson once said, "If it It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." In other words, people have the right to live the lives of their choosing as long as it didn't hurt others. Our search for another soul mate does not hurt you, nor am I asking you to pay for it.

Think of it this way, I have the freedom (ie. right) to swing my arm if I want to, but I don't have the right to swing my arm and injure you. Do you see my point? It doesn't effect you, its our lives, its our marriage. Some are worried that its against God's law, thank you for your concern for my soul, but my relationship and my actions are between God and I. Again, it does not concern you.

You are free to express your opinion, I have no problem with that. But you don't have the freedom to bully, call names, insult my intelligence, slander or make up assumptions about my marriage. Got it? I won't allow you to degrade me on my own blog, your words will not be published, they will not be taken to heart. Opinions are welcome, abuse is not.

I hope no one takes this the wrong way. I'm open to meeting new friends and new people. I love doing so, but I am not going to let the bullies effect my behavior anymore. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to change who I am or what I want because you don't agree. While I am always willing to respectfully hear the other side of the debate, I'm not going to publish blatant harassing comments.

I'm not picking your pocket, nor am I breaking your leg. I'm standing or I should say, we are standing on our own feet. We are united in our decision to feel that this is where God is leading us and this is what is right for our family.

The "P" word

The word Polygamy creates so much controversy in it's own right. I understand that people link it to abuse, underage marriages and a variety of other crimes we would never tolerate. Abuse will never be a part of our home.

It's important to note that not all polygamous families fall into this category. Not all of them are religious fanatics, not all of them are even religious for that matter. Polygamous families have been painted with a broad brush, in my opinion that is not fair. You can find abuse in every single segment of our society; monogamous families, poly families, single parent homes, abuse even occurs in some foster homes. Unfortunately, abuse happens in all classes of our society as well. Yes, poverty can sometimes breed abuse. I'm not ignoring that fact. But, does being wealthy make you immune to abuse? No, it doesn't.

As far as the FDLS community, I do think that the 1950's raids of FDLS compounds and the subsequent hiding has led to some of the atrocities we have seen on the news. Hiding can breed it's own abuse, it makes it more difficult for child protective services to pin point those who are committing abuse and those who are not. It makes people less likely to ask for help or report abuse. When people hide they are less likely to seek medical care. As we have seen in Texas, raids will never solve the problem. They will only compound the problem by forcing the FDLS community underground and into countries like Mexico. How does that help the children? It doesn't. These children need to get an education just like every child in America deserves an education. I'm not saying the families can't or shouldn't home school their children. I do think we need to ensure that all children who are home schooled are actually getting a good education. This goes for all types of families that are homeschooling. Testing once a year, ensuring curriculum meets or exceeds the educational standards is important. Should society dictate if parents want to teach that polygamy is part of their religion? No, even our courts have upheld that a parent has the right to teach polygamy to their children.

You hardly ever hear about another community in Colorado City, Arizona. It's called Centennial Park, most of it's residents are living in polygamy. The majority of these families are no different than your own; they don't dress any differently, they put their children first in their lives and they don't abuse our welfare system. Many of these families have successful businesses, they educate their children and they own their own homes. Some of them are actually quite lavish. This suburb doesn't have walls of isolation, these people aren't living on compounds. Some of them believe in homeschooling, but many of them send their children to the local public school. Which is just like the average public school in your neighborhood and across our country. There is one exception, there are more parent volunteers at that school than the average public school. Why? Because polygamy gives parents the freedom of having more people to share in responsibility. Therefore, they have the free time to volunteer in the classroom.

Our society wants children to know that LOVE is what creates a family. Children are now taught in public school and even on Sesame Street that families comes in all different shapes and sizes. It isn't having a two parent household that makes a family. What makes us a family is what binds us all together and that is LOVE. When there is love in a family, when children are living in an environment free of abuse, this is when children blossom. It is then that they become who they are intended to be. They can live up to their full potential. Who doesn't want that for every child? Wouldn't this world be a better place if every child had that opportunity?

Polygamy has many advantages. There are more people to ensure the children are nurtured, well cared for and loved. Having additional positive role models in a child's life isn't a bad thing, is it? Today, our society has very few present parents. There is a lack of family values, people want to put themselves first and are interested in instant gratification. In a poly family people share, they work together.

Poly marriages are not for everyone, I understand that. So, don't get the wrong idea. I do believe that poly marriages should not be illegal. A poly marriage should never be forced on someone. This is not about a husband breaking his marriage vows. What I am trying to express is that if all the adults consent to a poly marriage and that the first wife wants to bring in another spouse, who is society to say she is wrong? Our government should stay out of it. Weed out and punish the abusers, everyone should be in support of that, but don't punish all poly families. My husband made his vows to me, not the government. If I want to release him of that covenant and take new vows together with our new spouse isn't that up to me? We believe in love, not force. This isn't just my husbands idea, this is something I want very much for our family. I'm looking forward to having a sisterwife/co wife. The bond between sisterwives/co wives can be amazing, it doesn't have to mean jealousy and insecurity.

There are many poly families living in suburbs right outside your front door. Maybe your surprised to hear that, perhaps you don't believe me. It's true. Poly families don't just live in compounds. They don't all live in places like Colorado City. We live in a gorgeous golf course community, in an excellent school district. For quite some time we had a poly family living right across the street from us. There were 3 wives, one husband. The husband and the first wife worked outside the home, the other two wives stayed at home taking care of the children. They dressed just like every other person in our community. They are just live everyone else, they have goals, dreams and want what is best for their family. The only difference is the family has more than one wife. There is more than one mother, the women work together and share their husband. This doesn't mean the husband loves one of his wives any more or less than the other. They were well educated, they weren't ignorant or fanatical. When our neighbors got to know them they found they were a very loving family, caring people and good citizens in our community.

Bringing in another wife doesn't have to mean your husband loves you any less. Wanting another wife in the family doesn't mean the first wife is lacking in some way. I'm secure enough to know this for a fact. Our family is open to the possibility of something even better, with growth comes change, I realize that. It doesn't mean that this change has to be negative. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but that is life isn't it? My marriage is very passionate, we are affectionate and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for one another. None of that is going to change when we add another spouse to our family. My husband is faithful, he's a good man and a good father. There is no reason why I can't share that with a woman we both grow to love. What is right for our marriage is up to us.

Abuse will never be a part of our lives, it will never be a part of our marriage. Abuse is something we would never tolerate. We will always believe in putting our family first. This will not change when our family takes vows with another spouse.

Why....

Recently, someone asked me why we would want to add another wife to our family. While there isn't really a simple answer for that, I will try.

Sister wives or co-wives have a bond that not everyone can understand, having that bond is something I am really looking forward to. There is a saying that, "It takes a Village to Raise a Child". I believe it to be true. Can there ever be enough love in a family? Can there truly ever be too much nurturing and support for children? I don't think so, neither does my husband. We are very present parents, who each add to our children's lives in our own way. We compliment each other, discuss things and parent together. Our children are turning out all the better for it. I believe the right person will only add to our children's development. You can never have enough positive role models in a child's life.

What I dream about in a sister wife/co wife is that she will add to the love in our marriage and family. My husband is a good man, he is a wonderful father and I know he will make a wonderful spouse to our new partner. I'm not threatened by sharing him, I know some would be. I'm not saying poly living is for everyone. We will both love our new partner and that will only add to our love, it doesn't take away from it.

What I want is for my children to be my new spouse's children, for us to be one big family. Not too separate families. Women can support each other in amazing ways when they work together. Just as my husband is my best friend, I'm looking for our new spouse to be another best friend as well. We can support and encourage each other, working as partners in our new marriage. Who wouldn't look forward to being there for a sister wife when she is ready to have children? When that time comes I will share in the joy with my sister wife and our husband. That said, we aren't rushing into anything, we want to take our time and make sure we find the right spouse. That is as important for us as it is for her. Marriage is a big commitment, poly marriage is no different, when we commit to our new spouse she will be a part of our family in every way. If she already has children, they will be a part of our family in every way as well.

Our family does just about everything together, we are very close. Yet there are times when I would really enjoy having another woman around. We can do things together that the boys might not be interested in doing together. There are times when it will be nice to have another woman's point of view. Someone with whom I am fully ready to share the love of my husband with, that is what I'm looking for in a new spouse.

That said, we are not looking to add a string of wives. We believe two wives in our family will be the perfect number for us. Together instead of a couple we will be a trouple! I'm not judging poly families that have more, but just like poly living isn't for everyone, more than two wives isn't for us. Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, "Polygamy is not as bad as people think. I would rather be third in line to a good man, than the only wife of a jerk". I believe that is true. I have a wonderful husband, he has supported me in everything I do. When I was pregnant with our fourth, I had several of the nurses tell me that they had never seen a more attentive husband. My perinatologist said the very same thing. My husband is protective, yet loving. He is strong, but also passionate and tender. He's not afraid to show affection, yet he is a man in every sense of the word. He is never abusive in any way. My opinion means something to him, he values my input, he is always fair and never callous. He is head of the family and a positive male role model for our children. Friends are constantly telling me how lucky I am to have Scott, I know it. He feels lucky to have me. When we find the right person, we will feel fortunate to have found her. We have a great marriage. I don't believe people should pursue polygamy without a great marriage. Poly living will not fix your marriage, it isn't fair to bring someone into a marriage that doesn't have a strong foundation. We have that, why wouldn't I want to share that with someone else?

We are very affectionate, we have a passionate marriage, this has only grown over the years. It hasn't diminished. Having another wife in our marriage will not diminish this. Our new spouse will have a full partnership in our marriage, she will not be a second class citizen. In some ways poly living gives women more freedom, not less. There are more people to nurture the children. The family only has more love and encouragement, they can truly support each other in every aspect of their lives. We will support our new spouse in her goals and dreams the same way we do with each other now. What could possibly be wrong with that?

This isn't about giving up something in our marriage, it's about adding to it.

The Foundation of our Family

Our family has a strong foundation. We are best friends, soul mates and are very much in love. We met early in life, became best friends and quickly fell in love. We married after 2 years of dating, that was nearly 2o years ago! Through time our love has only grown stronger. Our marriage is loving, passionate and we support each other in every aspect of our lives.

"Everything for the Family" is the way we live our lives." Nothing is more important to us than our family and friends. There isn't anything we wouldn't do for those we love. We are 36 and 38 years of age. Together we've been blessed with four children, all boys, whom we love very much. We are raising them to be responsible, respectful young men. We are present parents in every way. We believe that with lots of love, support and encouragement children grow up to become the people they were intended to be. Children need nurture and guidance, along with parents who can provide for all their needs. One of the most important gifts you can give your children is the gift of your time and attention. We believe just like marriage parenting is a partnership.

Our marriage is important to us, we take time to nurture it on a regular basis. We enjoy regular 'date' nights out and enjoy eating out, going to hear live music and dancing. Our friends like to joke that you never see one of us without the other and that is true. We truly enjoy spending time with each other and wouldn't want it any other way. We believe that for a poly-marriage to work you need to have a strong foundation.

We are two soul mates looking for another soul mate with whom we can share our love & lives. One who will be a part of our marriage and family in every way. When the time is right we would like to have more children. We know we have enough love to share our lives with another spouse and look forward to having an amazing bond with another person. We are secure enough to know that more love will only add to our family it won't take away from it.

We are Christians, who believe in God. We are not swingers, we're not doing this on a whim or to spice up our marriage. For us this is about commitment. We have talked about this for a long time and believe this is the right time to begin our journey. As we set upon our path of looking for another soul mate this blog is a part of our journey.