The "P" word

The word Polygamy creates so much controversy in it's own right. I understand that people link it to abuse, underage marriages and a variety of other crimes we would never tolerate. Abuse will never be a part of our home.

It's important to note that not all polygamous families fall into this category. Not all of them are religious fanatics, not all of them are even religious for that matter. Polygamous families have been painted with a broad brush, in my opinion that is not fair. You can find abuse in every single segment of our society; monogamous families, poly families, single parent homes, abuse even occurs in some foster homes. Unfortunately, abuse happens in all classes of our society as well. Yes, poverty can sometimes breed abuse. I'm not ignoring that fact. But, does being wealthy make you immune to abuse? No, it doesn't.

As far as the FDLS community, I do think that the 1950's raids of FDLS compounds and the subsequent hiding has led to some of the atrocities we have seen on the news. Hiding can breed it's own abuse, it makes it more difficult for child protective services to pin point those who are committing abuse and those who are not. It makes people less likely to ask for help or report abuse. When people hide they are less likely to seek medical care. As we have seen in Texas, raids will never solve the problem. They will only compound the problem by forcing the FDLS community underground and into countries like Mexico. How does that help the children? It doesn't. These children need to get an education just like every child in America deserves an education. I'm not saying the families can't or shouldn't home school their children. I do think we need to ensure that all children who are home schooled are actually getting a good education. This goes for all types of families that are homeschooling. Testing once a year, ensuring curriculum meets or exceeds the educational standards is important. Should society dictate if parents want to teach that polygamy is part of their religion? No, even our courts have upheld that a parent has the right to teach polygamy to their children.

You hardly ever hear about another community in Colorado City, Arizona. It's called Centennial Park, most of it's residents are living in polygamy. The majority of these families are no different than your own; they don't dress any differently, they put their children first in their lives and they don't abuse our welfare system. Many of these families have successful businesses, they educate their children and they own their own homes. Some of them are actually quite lavish. This suburb doesn't have walls of isolation, these people aren't living on compounds. Some of them believe in homeschooling, but many of them send their children to the local public school. Which is just like the average public school in your neighborhood and across our country. There is one exception, there are more parent volunteers at that school than the average public school. Why? Because polygamy gives parents the freedom of having more people to share in responsibility. Therefore, they have the free time to volunteer in the classroom.

Our society wants children to know that LOVE is what creates a family. Children are now taught in public school and even on Sesame Street that families comes in all different shapes and sizes. It isn't having a two parent household that makes a family. What makes us a family is what binds us all together and that is LOVE. When there is love in a family, when children are living in an environment free of abuse, this is when children blossom. It is then that they become who they are intended to be. They can live up to their full potential. Who doesn't want that for every child? Wouldn't this world be a better place if every child had that opportunity?

Polygamy has many advantages. There are more people to ensure the children are nurtured, well cared for and loved. Having additional positive role models in a child's life isn't a bad thing, is it? Today, our society has very few present parents. There is a lack of family values, people want to put themselves first and are interested in instant gratification. In a poly family people share, they work together.

Poly marriages are not for everyone, I understand that. So, don't get the wrong idea. I do believe that poly marriages should not be illegal. A poly marriage should never be forced on someone. This is not about a husband breaking his marriage vows. What I am trying to express is that if all the adults consent to a poly marriage and that the first wife wants to bring in another spouse, who is society to say she is wrong? Our government should stay out of it. Weed out and punish the abusers, everyone should be in support of that, but don't punish all poly families. My husband made his vows to me, not the government. If I want to release him of that covenant and take new vows together with our new spouse isn't that up to me? We believe in love, not force. This isn't just my husbands idea, this is something I want very much for our family. I'm looking forward to having a sisterwife/co wife. The bond between sisterwives/co wives can be amazing, it doesn't have to mean jealousy and insecurity.

There are many poly families living in suburbs right outside your front door. Maybe your surprised to hear that, perhaps you don't believe me. It's true. Poly families don't just live in compounds. They don't all live in places like Colorado City. We live in a gorgeous golf course community, in an excellent school district. For quite some time we had a poly family living right across the street from us. There were 3 wives, one husband. The husband and the first wife worked outside the home, the other two wives stayed at home taking care of the children. They dressed just like every other person in our community. They are just live everyone else, they have goals, dreams and want what is best for their family. The only difference is the family has more than one wife. There is more than one mother, the women work together and share their husband. This doesn't mean the husband loves one of his wives any more or less than the other. They were well educated, they weren't ignorant or fanatical. When our neighbors got to know them they found they were a very loving family, caring people and good citizens in our community.

Bringing in another wife doesn't have to mean your husband loves you any less. Wanting another wife in the family doesn't mean the first wife is lacking in some way. I'm secure enough to know this for a fact. Our family is open to the possibility of something even better, with growth comes change, I realize that. It doesn't mean that this change has to be negative. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but that is life isn't it? My marriage is very passionate, we are affectionate and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for one another. None of that is going to change when we add another spouse to our family. My husband is faithful, he's a good man and a good father. There is no reason why I can't share that with a woman we both grow to love. What is right for our marriage is up to us.

Abuse will never be a part of our lives, it will never be a part of our marriage. Abuse is something we would never tolerate. We will always believe in putting our family first. This will not change when our family takes vows with another spouse.


Recently, someone asked me why we would want to add another wife to our family. While there isn't really a simple answer for that, I will try.

Sister wives or co-wives have a bond that not everyone can understand, having that bond is something I am really looking forward to. There is a saying that, "It takes a Village to Raise a Child". I believe it to be true. Can there ever be enough love in a family? Can there truly ever be too much nurturing and support for children? I don't think so, neither does my husband. We are very present parents, who each add to our children's lives in our own way. We compliment each other, discuss things and parent together. Our children are turning out all the better for it. I believe the right person will only add to our children's development. You can never have enough positive role models in a child's life.

What I dream about in a sister wife/co wife is that she will add to the love in our marriage and family. My husband is a good man, he is a wonderful father and I know he will make a wonderful spouse to our new partner. I'm not threatened by sharing him, I know some would be. I'm not saying poly living is for everyone. We will both love our new partner and that will only add to our love, it doesn't take away from it.

What I want is for my children to be my new spouse's children, for us to be one big family. Not too separate families. Women can support each other in amazing ways when they work together. Just as my husband is my best friend, I'm looking for our new spouse to be another best friend as well. We can support and encourage each other, working as partners in our new marriage. Who wouldn't look forward to being there for a sister wife when she is ready to have children? When that time comes I will share in the joy with my sister wife and our husband. That said, we aren't rushing into anything, we want to take our time and make sure we find the right spouse. That is as important for us as it is for her. Marriage is a big commitment, poly marriage is no different, when we commit to our new spouse she will be a part of our family in every way. If she already has children, they will be a part of our family in every way as well.

Our family does just about everything together, we are very close. Yet there are times when I would really enjoy having another woman around. We can do things together that the boys might not be interested in doing together. There are times when it will be nice to have another woman's point of view. Someone with whom I am fully ready to share the love of my husband with, that is what I'm looking for in a new spouse.

That said, we are not looking to add a string of wives. We believe two wives in our family will be the perfect number for us. Together instead of a couple we will be a trouple! I'm not judging poly families that have more, but just like poly living isn't for everyone, more than two wives isn't for us. Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, "Polygamy is not as bad as people think. I would rather be third in line to a good man, than the only wife of a jerk". I believe that is true. I have a wonderful husband, he has supported me in everything I do. When I was pregnant with our fourth, I had several of the nurses tell me that they had never seen a more attentive husband. My perinatologist said the very same thing. My husband is protective, yet loving. He is strong, but also passionate and tender. He's not afraid to show affection, yet he is a man in every sense of the word. He is never abusive in any way. My opinion means something to him, he values my input, he is always fair and never callous. He is head of the family and a positive male role model for our children. Friends are constantly telling me how lucky I am to have Scott, I know it. He feels lucky to have me. When we find the right person, we will feel fortunate to have found her. We have a great marriage. I don't believe people should pursue polygamy without a great marriage. Poly living will not fix your marriage, it isn't fair to bring someone into a marriage that doesn't have a strong foundation. We have that, why wouldn't I want to share that with someone else?

We are very affectionate, we have a passionate marriage, this has only grown over the years. It hasn't diminished. Having another wife in our marriage will not diminish this. Our new spouse will have a full partnership in our marriage, she will not be a second class citizen. In some ways poly living gives women more freedom, not less. There are more people to nurture the children. The family only has more love and encouragement, they can truly support each other in every aspect of their lives. We will support our new spouse in her goals and dreams the same way we do with each other now. What could possibly be wrong with that?

This isn't about giving up something in our marriage, it's about adding to it.

The Foundation of our Family

Our family has a strong foundation. We are best friends, soul mates and are very much in love. We met early in life, became best friends and quickly fell in love. We married after 2 years of dating, that was nearly 2o years ago! Through time our love has only grown stronger. Our marriage is loving, passionate and we support each other in every aspect of our lives.

"Everything for the Family" is the way we live our lives." Nothing is more important to us than our family and friends. There isn't anything we wouldn't do for those we love. We are 36 and 38 years of age. Together we've been blessed with four children, all boys, whom we love very much. We are raising them to be responsible, respectful young men. We are present parents in every way. We believe that with lots of love, support and encouragement children grow up to become the people they were intended to be. Children need nurture and guidance, along with parents who can provide for all their needs. One of the most important gifts you can give your children is the gift of your time and attention. We believe just like marriage parenting is a partnership.

Our marriage is important to us, we take time to nurture it on a regular basis. We enjoy regular 'date' nights out and enjoy eating out, going to hear live music and dancing. Our friends like to joke that you never see one of us without the other and that is true. We truly enjoy spending time with each other and wouldn't want it any other way. We believe that for a poly-marriage to work you need to have a strong foundation.

We are two soul mates looking for another soul mate with whom we can share our love & lives. One who will be a part of our marriage and family in every way. When the time is right we would like to have more children. We know we have enough love to share our lives with another spouse and look forward to having an amazing bond with another person. We are secure enough to know that more love will only add to our family it won't take away from it.

We are Christians, who believe in God. We are not swingers, we're not doing this on a whim or to spice up our marriage. For us this is about commitment. We have talked about this for a long time and believe this is the right time to begin our journey. As we set upon our path of looking for another soul mate this blog is a part of our journey.