The "P" word

The word Polygamy creates so much controversy in it's own right. I understand that people link it to abuse, underage marriages and a variety of other crimes we would never tolerate. Abuse will never be a part of our home.

It's important to note that not all polygamous families fall into this category. Not all of them are religious fanatics, not all of them are even religious for that matter. Polygamous families have been painted with a broad brush, in my opinion that is not fair. You can find abuse in every single segment of our society; monogamous families, poly families, single parent homes, abuse even occurs in some foster homes. Unfortunately, abuse happens in all classes of our society as well. Yes, poverty can sometimes breed abuse. I'm not ignoring that fact. But, does being wealthy make you immune to abuse? No, it doesn't.

As far as the FDLS community, I do think that the 1950's raids of FDLS compounds and the subsequent hiding has led to some of the atrocities we have seen on the news. Hiding can breed it's own abuse, it makes it more difficult for child protective services to pin point those who are committing abuse and those who are not. It makes people less likely to ask for help or report abuse. When people hide they are less likely to seek medical care. As we have seen in Texas, raids will never solve the problem. They will only compound the problem by forcing the FDLS community underground and into countries like Mexico. How does that help the children? It doesn't. These children need to get an education just like every child in America deserves an education. I'm not saying the families can't or shouldn't home school their children. I do think we need to ensure that all children who are home schooled are actually getting a good education. This goes for all types of families that are homeschooling. Testing once a year, ensuring curriculum meets or exceeds the educational standards is important. Should society dictate if parents want to teach that polygamy is part of their religion? No, even our courts have upheld that a parent has the right to teach polygamy to their children.

You hardly ever hear about another community in Colorado City, Arizona. It's called Centennial Park, most of it's residents are living in polygamy. The majority of these families are no different than your own; they don't dress any differently, they put their children first in their lives and they don't abuse our welfare system. Many of these families have successful businesses, they educate their children and they own their own homes. Some of them are actually quite lavish. This suburb doesn't have walls of isolation, these people aren't living on compounds. Some of them believe in homeschooling, but many of them send their children to the local public school. Which is just like the average public school in your neighborhood and across our country. There is one exception, there are more parent volunteers at that school than the average public school. Why? Because polygamy gives parents the freedom of having more people to share in responsibility. Therefore, they have the free time to volunteer in the classroom.

Our society wants children to know that LOVE is what creates a family. Children are now taught in public school and even on Sesame Street that families comes in all different shapes and sizes. It isn't having a two parent household that makes a family. What makes us a family is what binds us all together and that is LOVE. When there is love in a family, when children are living in an environment free of abuse, this is when children blossom. It is then that they become who they are intended to be. They can live up to their full potential. Who doesn't want that for every child? Wouldn't this world be a better place if every child had that opportunity?

Polygamy has many advantages. There are more people to ensure the children are nurtured, well cared for and loved. Having additional positive role models in a child's life isn't a bad thing, is it? Today, our society has very few present parents. There is a lack of family values, people want to put themselves first and are interested in instant gratification. In a poly family people share, they work together.

Poly marriages are not for everyone, I understand that. So, don't get the wrong idea. I do believe that poly marriages should not be illegal. A poly marriage should never be forced on someone. This is not about a husband breaking his marriage vows. What I am trying to express is that if all the adults consent to a poly marriage and that the first wife wants to bring in another spouse, who is society to say she is wrong? Our government should stay out of it. Weed out and punish the abusers, everyone should be in support of that, but don't punish all poly families. My husband made his vows to me, not the government. If I want to release him of that covenant and take new vows together with our new spouse isn't that up to me? We believe in love, not force. This isn't just my husbands idea, this is something I want very much for our family. I'm looking forward to having a sisterwife/co wife. The bond between sisterwives/co wives can be amazing, it doesn't have to mean jealousy and insecurity.

There are many poly families living in suburbs right outside your front door. Maybe your surprised to hear that, perhaps you don't believe me. It's true. Poly families don't just live in compounds. They don't all live in places like Colorado City. We live in a gorgeous golf course community, in an excellent school district. For quite some time we had a poly family living right across the street from us. There were 3 wives, one husband. The husband and the first wife worked outside the home, the other two wives stayed at home taking care of the children. They dressed just like every other person in our community. They are just live everyone else, they have goals, dreams and want what is best for their family. The only difference is the family has more than one wife. There is more than one mother, the women work together and share their husband. This doesn't mean the husband loves one of his wives any more or less than the other. They were well educated, they weren't ignorant or fanatical. When our neighbors got to know them they found they were a very loving family, caring people and good citizens in our community.

Bringing in another wife doesn't have to mean your husband loves you any less. Wanting another wife in the family doesn't mean the first wife is lacking in some way. I'm secure enough to know this for a fact. Our family is open to the possibility of something even better, with growth comes change, I realize that. It doesn't mean that this change has to be negative. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but that is life isn't it? My marriage is very passionate, we are affectionate and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for one another. None of that is going to change when we add another spouse to our family. My husband is faithful, he's a good man and a good father. There is no reason why I can't share that with a woman we both grow to love. What is right for our marriage is up to us.

Abuse will never be a part of our lives, it will never be a part of our marriage. Abuse is something we would never tolerate. We will always believe in putting our family first. This will not change when our family takes vows with another spouse.


  1. fantastic job on your blog! I love how poly positive your family is--it is a pleasure knowing you.

    In friendship,


  2. Hi, I saw your post on Megan's blog and liked that we were on the same wavelength about her patience with people who don't read old posts before commenting.

    In reading your blog I am left to wonder if you are trying to convince the world to accept your views on poly or if you are trying to convince yourself?

    I'm not being rude or attacking you, I'm simply making an observation.

  3. hello... i hope your future co-wife exceeds what can be expected and your home is happy and peaceful in the future... god willing.

    i came a cross your blog from another poly blog.. which i am very happy to see.. we need some positive poly blogs in this world :)

    i am also in a poly family, i will come visit again, looking forward to reading more of your journey..


  4. Thank you everyone for your positive comments, I appreciate the support.

    As far as the comment about if I was trying to convince myself or the world...

    Well, no I'm not trying to convince the world. I no way do I think poly marriage is for everyone. I've said that, I don't even thing marriage is for everyone mono or poly for that matter. Just like having children is not something all people should feel compelled to do either, people need to make their own choices about what is best for them.

    Poly marriages have been painted with a broad brush of stereotypes. Do I wish the world will erase some of these stereotypes? Of course I do. The world could do without a lot stereotypes, not just poly. Stereotypes in all areas of society are often wrong, unjustified and sometimes just plain ignorant.

    As far as convincing myself, I don't need to do that, I sure hope my blog doesn't come across that way! This isn't something that is being forced down my throat nor is it something my husband would EVER pursue without my permission and full approval. That is the honest to God truth! We are a partnership in every way. I do hope that comes across.

    So, I'm just expressing my views on poly life and our journey. Nothing else. Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and share.

  5. I'm happy to find your blog! And happy you found mine! I think the way you have described your desire for a plural marriage, the ordinariness of some polygamous families (perhaps the majority), is wonderful and I thank you. Happy Easter!

  6. What I find surprising about poly blogs is the fact how people just chat away how wonderful it is to have more "partners" in a family when in fact all you talk about is having more wives.

    So since you're all into more partners, why not more husbands?

  7. Anonymous,

    Blogs usually consist of people writing about their specific situation or experience. Wouldn't you agree? It's because of this most of the poly blogs you come across deal with polygyny, not polyandry. Polygyny and polyandry are very different practices. Yes, they are both types of poly families, but still very different. Polyandry is the practice of having more than one husband. Polygyny is the practice of having more than one wife. Polygyny is more common than polyandry, which is why most of the poly blogs you read are about families with more than one wife.

    There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with polyandry. I would never assume to make that judgement for someone else. Just like I don't want someone making that judgement for me. I also don't believe poly living is just about more partners.

    Throughout history polygyny is more common than polyandry. There are many reasons for this, but it's not something I'm going to go deeply into here. Our world is one in which the population of women outnumber the men in almost all societies. This is just a fact. It is for this very reason, Russia is currently considering legalizing polygamous (polygyny) marriage. For those of us who are religious, the Bible and the Qu'ran do not have examples of polyandry. This is important for those of us who believe the practice of polygyny is supported by our religion. (For my Muslim readers, I sincerely hope I spelled Qur'an properly, if not please let me know as I do not want to be disrespectful in anyway.)

    Even in nature, it is more common for animals to practice polygyny over polyandry. I'm sure a zoologist could explain all the reasons for this. I'm not a zoologist.

    There are people living in polyandry, most of them live in Asia and Africa. However, the practice isn't limited to those areas. Not that long ago I watched a documentary about a polyandry village in Africa, it was very interesting. In my opinion, it might even be a solution for places like China where the male population greatly outnumbers the women. (Note, this is not because of nature, but because of their government's practices.)

    It is my firm belief that your mistaken if you think poly marriage is just about more partners. This isn't about sex. The practice of open marriage and swinging is about more partners. Those practices are very different from poly marriage. I'm not chatting about more partners, that is not what this is about.

    This blog is about polygyny, the poly blogs I have read are about polygyny. People are just writing about their poly experiences. Polygyny is more common, therefore because of this most of the blogs you find about poly living will be about polygyny. If you want to read about a woman with more than one husband you need to search for a blog about polyandry.

    Thanks for reading,

  8. hello..M..

    the reply you did for the anon.. was very good..

    well thought out..

    and yup Qur'an was spelt correctly... thanks for asking...

    looking forward to your next post..


  9. I just re read this post - that's how wonderful I think it is...we should all make copies of this, anonymously of course, and put them on car windows in mall, church parking lots, school parking lots and neighbors doors! bravo

  10. I love your blog. The information that you provided is very informative. I admire your way of life. I think it is OK for me to make reference to "Big Love," as you have a link to it on your site. I used to watch the show faithfully, with my husband.

    Then one day, pretty much out of the blue, my husband informed me that he was taking another wife. It was done totally contrary to how you and your husband want to do it. You two are doing it with respect for one another, for totally different reasons, with each other's consent, which without that you have chaos, hatred, bitterness, and anger-so much to surmount.

    After my husband married the other woman, I went out and bought "Big Love-The Complete First Season", hoping to learn something that might shed some light on my new world, anything. I don't even know what I was looking for.

    I remember reading a comment from "minty" in which she said, "No poly situation is like another." That is so true...

    I definitely understand how the bond you form as sister-wives can be formed and nurtured given the right foundation.

    Based on what I've read, you will make someone a wonderful sister-wife!

  11. Thank you Ana, I appreciate it. Your situation breaks my heart, it really does. I can't imagine living in different homes for one thing and I don't understand a husband who forces a second wife on his first wife. Then expect her to accept it. I know that polygamy is practiced different ways, but I believe in Love not force.

  12. I love your blog. I LOVE IT. Everything you said resonates so much with me. God bless you.

  13. Thank you Felicity, I enjoy your blog as well. I've just wondered what has been going on as you haven't posted lately :)