I would change a few things, like I would have insisted we come out and get to know "J's" family, before she used the "P" word. But then again, she isn't sure that would even matter. Its partially because we live so far as well. They are very angry with her. I feel so helpless to fix the situation. I just want to get to know each other and worry about all that later. But we can't change how it started now...
I still believe she is meant to be with us, I do with my whole heart. But she is dependent on them at the moment, so she I'm sure is full of "what if's" in her head. I don't like that there seem to have been threats towards her means of support. I'm trying to understand where they are coming from, her family that is... If it were just she, that would be one thing, but she does have Jim. We understand that, we aren't in a rush at all. We would just like them to calm down and get off her back some. We'd like to go on vacation together or meet without her being held hostage. They don't understand we are just a normal family. And when we talked about it tonight, it seems it wouldn't even matter if we were... They don't want her to be so far.
If she loved where she was living, if she loved how she was living, well I could understand that. But she doesn't like where she is living, she wants a family. She wants a Father for her son. It seems like they aren't thinking of any of those things. They don't understand we are talking about a real commitment to her and her child. That Scott would adopt her son, legally and she would never have to worry about a dead beat Dad again. That we would make a legal commitment to her and their future. I wanted to write to them, but it seems that might make things worse at least at this point in time.
I wish things were different, If I could I'd fix it. Because, we care about her and her son SO much. Our entire family, our children included, already care so much. We have been independent for so long, that we are insulated from that kind of thing. Its hard for us to relate, but her family did do a lot for her when she was pregnant and the last 3 years. We do appreciate that, we really do. But it would be nice, if they would see what the future might hold for her, what SHE wants for her future and for her son. Because the family she has created for her son, should come first...
So, we are just praying about it. At this point its all we can do. "J" and her son are special, we're willing to wait, she's worth it. This time is a short period of time, when we are talking about forever. If we flew out to where she lives, they might not even let us see her. And I just feel like crying...
Oh my Goodness, I have to share this.....I thought Scott was on the phone with "J" earlier today. I kept telling him things I wanted to tell her... I could NOT for the life of me understand why he was not listening to me and kept giving me "the look". You know the look of don't bother me right now. It didn't stop me from adding my 2 cents. He kept looking at me like, are you nuts? I was really getting perturbed with him for not telling her what I was saying to him.... I even yelled out a joking, "When you marry us, you can help!". When he was talking about our business. He just turned his back and kept talking! Wow, I was really getting mad. This wasn't like Scott at all... What the heck. And then I found out... He was not on the phone with "J"! He was on the phone with his MOTHER! Oooopsie, Hahahaha!
I just had to share that! J got a laugh out of it too when I told her! And I'm happy to report the last 2 days her phone has been working much better. Which has made my hubby and I both much happier! :)
I don't know when we will be doing the first visit. I just don't know.... And I hate not knowing, I'm a worrier and I can't imagine anyone but J joining the family. :( Neither can Scott, we care about her so much. I know its a short time, that there is plenty of time.... But being far and not being able to go on normal dates, that just makes the whole situation worse.
We have sent some packages. And when she was really down about what her Sister said, we sent flowers. That is about all we can do at the moment. Its hard for her, her Sisters' both live across the street from her and her Mother lives in the same building she does... In fact, her flowers were delivered to her Mom by mistake. Ooopsie! Throw in problems with her cell phone reception.... And its like a comedy... kind of... Only with some tears thrown in.
One thing we love about J is that family is important to her. But that isn't making this difficult situation easy at the moment. And that leaves us Sleepless in AZ and her Sleepless in NY. Can't we just meet on top of the Empire State building and live happily every after?