We are celebrating my inlaws 40th Anniversary! It is really special because the whole family is here, Scott's sisters, his brother, his parents and the boys and Scott of course. For awhile even Scott's sisters boyfriends were here. It's been great staying in a beach house large enough to give everyone their own space and here in Kailua. We are having a wonderful time and Kailua has a huge Fourth of July celebration that we are planning to attend. We feel fortunate to have a vacation like this and are not taking it for granted. We thank God for our blessings and are enjoying every minute here in Hawaii.
I will be happy to share some of our pictures and our adventures once I have more time, right now being on the computer is not the way I plan to spend our time here! So, in the meantime, Happy Fourth of July everyone! We plan on going to the parade tomorrow in Kailua and having a wonderful day together, we hope you have a wonderful day as well as we celebrate our country and our freedom.
God Bless America : ) We are not a perfect country, but we can be proud to be Americans!
Lately, I've have the urge to start a new blog about our family life. We have a lot going on right now and I'd love to share that we are just a normal, average family. My thoughts are that I would link the two blogs, but also keep them separate. I'm still thinking about it, but I would definitely like to share more about our family.
In the meantime, if you would like to know more about our family, I thought I'd link our myspace. Yes, you can even see pictures of our family! I don't know if I will share our myspace link on this blog forever. It is a sad state of affairs that some people choose to harass those who are pro-polygamy and have polyblogs.
This post was inspired by my husband, Scott. He just wrote a post on his blog about his pet peeves while on our journey to find a sister-wife for our family. It started me to think about some of the things that have bothered me, some are similar to Scott's but not all of them. Either way, I thought I would get some things off my chest as well.
I'm sure single women searching for families have plenty of pet peeves too. It's all just part of life, learning to deal with all types of people is an important lesson. I understand that and I do feel that we are both growing along the way. It's also helped us to realize what we do and don't want as we search for the right person for our family. It's helped us appreciate each other along the way as well and that is always a good thing. I love my husband, I really do, I am lucky to have the family I do. I Praise God for all my blessings, I will praise him when when we take vows with our new spouse as well. Until then, I will continue to pray for patience as we search, here are some of the things that we have encountered and that bother me.
The Politics of it all... Hearing things from other prospectives helps us learn and grow. That said, there are some things that you just can't get over... For instance, I have plenty of friends and family with different political views. We get along well and it has never been a problem. But within our home our views are pretty similar, some opposing views are fine. However, I don't want my home to turn into a battle ground. If someone shares their opinion, I will listen and I expect them to give me the same courtesy. I don't want anyone to say that because I'm in the middle on certain issues that means I should just pick a side. Excuse me? If I see both sides of an issue and am in the middle or center of the road, that is my perogative. I don't criticize your views, I believe that it is one thing to criticize an issue and an entirely different view to attack the person because of their political views. Let's leave personal attacks out of it.
Don't Question how serious we are.... Wow, recently just because my husband and I want to take our time, go slowly and be cautious about choosing a sister-wife... Someone said, we weren't serious and probably just liked the idea of polygamy! Hello?!?!? That really offended me! I wish that I didn't care what people who make stupid comments say, but I do... Guess what? They couldn't be more wrong! For one, this isn't something we take lightly, it's something we've discussed for years, prayed about carefully and are pursuing wholeheartedly. Every single day several times a day, I pray for God to guide us on this journey. So, don't you dare decide how serious we are just because maybe we weren't right for you. Or because we aren't doing something according to your timeline. We have a happy, loving family with a secure foundation. It is vital to be careful about who we bring into the family. The right person or our family will understand that. She will also be just as cautious and take marriage just as seriously. This isn't something we are doing on a whim, it isn't something we take lightly. Don't question how dedicated we are just because we want to take things slowly or because you weren't right for our family. We believe marriage is forever, it's not something you try out! You don't just try it for a short time and then say you made a mistake and jump into the next relationship. Who are you to question our dedication? You don't know us well enough to question our motives do you? If your questioning how serious we are about our search, then I know for a fact you don't know us.
And while we're at it... Don't question my motives for wanting another wife for our family. It bothers me when someone thinks that there must be something wrong with my marriage for me to want to bring another woman into the family. Wow, just because we are looking you are going to decide that about us? That somehow wanting the benefits of plural marriage for my family and the love of a sister-wife means that we have a problem? Guess what? Your wrong. Since we've been looking I've had emails that we must have a problem in our marriage. We don't, we have one of the best marriages I know. People who know us often compliment us on our marriage and our family. Someone who thinks this couldn't be more wrong. Besides, bringing another person into your marriage rarely solves problems, it's not fair to the other person to bring them into a relationship that isn't stable. My marriage doesn't need saving, so please don't try to drop something like that in my lap. And don't even begin to say my motives are sexual. Plural marriage is about more than sex. Our sex life is great, it's very active and will continue to be when we bring another spouse into the family. It's not just about wanting more children either. If it was we would adopt or hire a surrogate. I don't want a baby factory and I don't want a nanny. If I did again, I would hire someone to be a surrogate or a nanny. Wanting to have children someday with someone you love is no different than single people who search for a soul-mate who also has interest in children and family. We are no different in that respect. We want to find someone who is interested in having children when they settle down get married and the time is right. I know there are families that that seems to be their only focus or the reason they want a polygamous marriage, but we are not that family. We don't use people and we are truly searching for someone with whom we can spend the rest of our lives. We don't want to treat someone as a second class citizen. So, don't try to drop those things in my lap either.
First Wives are not thrown out with the bathwater... My husband loves me, when the right person joins our family, our husband will love her as well. Just because we have been together for a long time doesn't mean he's throwing me over for the new model. That isn't the case. However, quite recently there was someone who felt they were owed the 20 years he's been with me. Well, you are welcome (if you are the right person and it was pretty obvious this one wasn't) to spend the next 20 years or hopefully much longer with us. But I am not going to stand aside and hand you the next 20 years on some plate. Sure you can have private time together, that is important, but you can't expect to make up all the private time I've had with Scott in the past. That isn't reasonable, it isn't a healthy polymarriage if that is what is happening. Anyone who truly wants a sucessful polymarriage should understand that. Being the second wife is different than being a mistress on the side. If your looking to take a man away from his family in that fashion then perhaps being the other woman is more what you are looking for, but that isn't what my husband is looking for in a relationship. We want one marriage, one family as a polygamous family. If you don't want that, if you think that you should make up for all the time we've ever spend together, then that doesn't sound like someone who is ready to share a husband. Does it??? I'm not about to stand aside, I will be proud to have the right person stand with "our" husband, but I'm not going anywhere. Who would want a husband that wants to throw the first wife out with the bathwater anyway? How long would a husband like that really make a happy marriage? And how long before a husband like that is looking for a new model? My husband and I have a happy loving lasting lifelong marriage. If that is what you want as well, someone who will love you for a lifetime, then you shouldn't expect him to cast the first wife aside. Celebrate my love for my husband and I will be just as joyous celebrating your love for him as well. I pray everyday for a woman who will love my husband just as much as I do.
What goes around comes around, even with gossip.... Wow, sometimes I feel like we've gone back to high school. Isn't that sad? People love to talk about other people, even when they don't know them well or worse yet, it's just something they have heard about someone else. Second hand information like that is rarely right and the more people it's past through the more it gets twisted. Often people say things online in chat they wouldn't dare say to someone's face. Gossip in these chat rooms seems to be constant. Unfortunately a lot of it is bitter. If something didn't work out between someone, or a single girl didn't fit with a family, they will talk about them behind their back. Why? Just because you weren't right for that family or they weren't right for you... Does that mean you have to be mean spirited or air out your dirty laundry to everyone? Don't you have any class? Can't you take the highroad? I wouldn't do that to a single girl looking or a family. I have more respect for her than that. But I have seen it over and over. I think this needs to stop on both sides. Stop airing your dirty laundry in chat rooms! That goes not just for single girls looking for families, but for families looking as well. Then there are people who are in these chat rooms just for the gossip. Beware of the person who is anxious to fill your ears with this and that about someone, because they are probably gossiping about you the minute you leave chat. If your gossiping in chat, don't get mad or be suprised if what you said gets back the person you talked about. It's bound to do so... If you don't want people talking behind your back, then help break the cycle and don't get caught up in the gossip yourself. It's not easy to do, I know this, but there are people who feed off of negative gossip. They will twist and turn your words and you mind drive off a family or a single girl over something that was taken the wrong way. Think about it, often in gossip the only person you are truly hurting is you.
Don't Patronize me.... Wow, I can tell you that patronizing people really bother me... The worst bit of patronizing I have heard is someone who within 2minutes of IM said, "When I have sex with your husband and we have children, honey they will be yours too." Well, that is great...Let me say this, I don't even know you yet. But thanks for offering your children to me.... I'm not your 'honey' and I don't know that I want to have children with you. If you were to marry us, which I can't possibly know if that is something I want to do... Wouldn't he be 'our' husband? We aren't just interested in you for sex or babies! So, let's slow down and get to know each other. Otherwise, it just seems like you are just telling me what you think I want to hear. Believe me, that isn't the case. I want to hear the truth and form a genuine relationship. It also feels false and that you are rushing things for some reason. Relax, let's just get to know each other and see where things lead, why is that so hard? Please do not call me honey or sweetie right off the bat. If we get to know each other and you still think I'm a sweetheart, well then you can tell me so, but please I'd really like to know you first otherwise it feels false and patronizing.
Will the real people please stand up? Fakes, Oh how I hate them. Usually they want to talk about sex right off the bat or web-cam right away. I don't think anyone dating a family really asks them what their favorite sexual position is right after saying hello. Do you? Families don't perform sex acts on camera, at least those who are interested in a person and not just sex.After we get to know you, have had you visit, perhaps we can have web-cam chats in time. But I will not be having sex on camera even after that, so if that is what you want....We are not the family for you! Sorry, don't even ask... It's not happening. Don't ask for money! Only fakes do this, I'm not stupid! I'm not sending a wire of money around the world thinking your going to use it to come visit. If for some reason we are ready for a visit, we would buy the ticket (non cashable) to have you visit. But I'm NOT sending you the money to buy it. I don't have SUCKER written across my forehead. I've looked and it's not there. I don't have any problems with someone verifying that we are real people and not a scammers, so if we get to the point don't expect that we wouldn't do the same and check into as well. Any girl who is really looking for a family will understand. I hate hearing about families that have been scammed. I hate bearing about single girls that have had families try and take advantage of them. It really bothers me a lot. I do believe that some heartbreak could be avoided by just being a little more careful. Maybe it's not romantic, but neither is the alternative if things go badly.
Sometimes you can't force it... When your searching for the love of your life, your going to come across people that don't meet what you are looking for or you aren't who they are looking for and there is nothing wrong with that. It happens with people who are monogamous too. Instead of being upset, I figure that just means we are that much closer to finding the right person. Scott and I honestly wish these people all the best and hope they find what they are looking for in a family. We don't wish them ill will, we aren't rude, we are honest and polite. We try to treat others the way they wish to be treated. We would like them to do the same. There are some people who just can't take it... Instead, they decide to they need to tell you it's not possible and that you will never find what your looking for and use their own baggage from failed relationships to tell you all the reasons why this won't work. We even had someone who admitted they were quite jaded from failed poly relationships tell us that we could never treat someone as an equal. Well, just because you have been hurt by other in the past, that doesn't mean we are the same as those people! We don't use people, we don't have the same lives. We aren't the same people who hurt you, I'm sorry you were hurt but we don't fit the box you are trying to fit us into. Don't label us as the same as people you have come across in the past. We wished you the best, why can't you just be polite and do the same. In this world we can all use poly friends so why slam us with your negative baggage? We don't fit the label so go post it somewhere else. Be graceful, be classy and don't belittle yourself by choosing to turn it into person slams. Especially when you don't really know us! Don't assume you know us because you've talked with us in one IM session!!! You can't, it's not possible. Be honest with people and if your not a fit with them, wish them the best, but don't start hitting below the belt because things didn't work out. Everyone has things they are looking for in a spouse, don't take it personal if we are looking for something different than you are, don't be catty just because you aren't right for us. We won't take it personal if you aren't right for us either.
Please just tell the truth... Don't pretend to be someone your not, don't lie. That is not the way to find the right family. It's not the way to treat others, you don't want families to lie to you, so don't lie to us. It's important to be who you are, it's important to be true to yourself. It's the only way to be happy in this life. Don't set expectations for yourself that you can't meet, that only leads to unhappiness for everyone. Be who you are, if we are right for you, then it will work out, if not then I'm sure there is another family for you somewhere. Sooner or later the truth always comes out, let's save the heartbreak and just be honest. We don't expect you to be perfect, you might be surprised to find that we are pretty understanding. If you have a problem with a person, discuss it with them.
Leave your expectations behind, we will do the same... Some of the best marriages have started with great friendships. Don't expect that just because we say hello, we are ready to move you in next week. Someone special who was interested in polygamy, but not sure, decided not to pursue it because they were afraid that the family might have expectations for them. They didn't want to let the family down if it didn't work out. Why not just open your hearts to friendship? Even if it doesn't work out you may have life long friends. If something else develops cross that bridge when you come to it. Don't get ahead of yourself. Leave expectations behind, often that is when you truly find love in live. This is true about searching for the love of your life or even trying new things or finding a hobby. Open your heart and mind to someone or something doesn't mean you have to worry about expectations.
Whew! Well, that is it for now, I'm sure I'll have more along the way. This was not meant to hurt anybodies feelings, it is not personal. Don't assume it's about you if your a single girl. Remember that, because it might not be about you specifically at all.
I know this is all part of searching, I know that we are already learning and growing as we go with through this together. Putting yourself out there isn't easy, risking your heart can be painful, but when we have found the right person it will all be worth it.
Right now, I'm not in a huge rush to move things forward into anything other than developing friendships and seeing where they lead. We are just beginning our search, we are looking for someone with whom we plan to spend the rest of our lives. I'm not looking for right now, I'm looking for always.
That means we are going to take our time and get it right. I don't think anyone we are talking to should close themselves off from talking to other families. I don't think we are anywhere near that stage with anyone.
Let's just see where friendship leads, let's not rush.
My husband started a blog! I thought I would mention it here, in case anyone wanted to check it out. After reading it, I felt it was somewhat similar to mine, lol. :) Probably because we discuss these things all the time. Especially now that we are searching for the right fit for our family. It is SO exciting just to be able to say that!
At any rate, I'm going to share the link!
We have already made some great new friends. It's always great to get to know new people and make new friends. We have met a few people that were looking for something different and that is okay. Even when you meet someone who isn't for you or you aren't for them, that is just part of the journey. We even met someone who wanted 'punishment'...that was a little scary. We were definitely not for her, abuse will never have a place in our home. I won't say anything more about that.
We met someone quite early in our search who was very special. Everything seemed to match; our likes, dislikes, politics, child rearing, family life. It just all seemed to fit. There weren't any expectations, we would rather just get to know someone as friends and see where things go from there. Like I said, we aren't in a rush and we want to get this right. Through her blog we got to know her as she put it, "the meat and potatoes" of who she is as a person. We were hoping to get to know her even better and think about dating. She was keeping all her options open and we were fine with that. When in time the idea became truly real to her, that she could find a couple who she might really want to be a part of their family. She then was hit with the fact that her family would never accept it. They might even cut her out of their lives. She realized they would never be able to share in her joy of her wedding, marriage and children. Faced with the reality that her family would never accept it, she would have to shut them out of a very important part of her life. It was too much. Which we totally understand and yet, it hurt.
When you have someone who tells you they could really see themselves becoming a part of your family...And that everything they want in a relationship and what you want matches. But they can't because due to reasons that no one can control, it's hard. It was actually painful, even in the early stages. We had grown attached to this person more than we ever expected could happen in such a short time. I was hurting, my husband was hurting...We wanted to do something to try and make it right but you can't. There is nothing you can do to make it right. Scott thought about sending flowers, but this isn't something flowers can fix. Nothing could change the problem. We prayed about it and that is all we could do. Letting it go was difficult, just thinking about it still makes me sick to my stomach.
Her family means the world to her, she was raised by extended family due to her parents death. She can't turn around and break their hearts or lie to them. We understand that completely. Nothing is more important to us than family, we want someone who thinks family is everything.
The hard part comes in with finding someone who wants to put family first, but is willing to risk telling their own family they are going to do something that isn't accepted in our society. That isn't easy. It's daunting just thinking about it.
We are moving forward with continued thought and prayer. We wish her the best of course, we still care about her very much. We pray that she gets everything she wants out of life. She realized that a poly relationship is not something she can be a part of even though the idea of a poly family appeals to her. We hope that she finds the love of her life, that she has the marriage and family that she longs to have someday. We have no doubts that she will be a wonderful spouse and Mother. We pray she finds someone who truly appreciates her.
We really hesitated to write about this, but it IS part of our journey. Everything we learn along the way brings us closer to where God intends us to be, I firmly believe that. For some reason our paths crossed, we may never know the reason why and that is okay. It's not always easy, but nothing worthwhile in life is easy. When things come easily we don't appreciate them as much. When God sends us the right person, we will appreciate her in every way.
It's important to note that not all polygamous families fall into this category. Not all of them are religious fanatics, not all of them are even religious for that matter. Polygamous families have been painted with a broad brush, in my opinion that is not fair. You can find abuse in every single segment of our society; monogamous families, poly families, single parent homes, abuse even occurs in some foster homes. Unfortunately, abuse happens in all classes of our society as well. Yes, poverty can sometimes breed abuse. I'm not ignoring that fact. But, does being wealthy make you immune to abuse? No, it doesn't.
As far as the FDLS community, I do think that the 1950's raids of FDLS compounds and the subsequent hiding has led to some of the atrocities we have seen on the news. Hiding can breed it's own abuse, it makes it more difficult for child protective services to pin point those who are committing abuse and those who are not. It makes people less likely to ask for help or report abuse. When people hide they are less likely to seek medical care. As we have seen in Texas, raids will never solve the problem. They will only compound the problem by forcing the FDLS community underground and into countries like Mexico. How does that help the children? It doesn't. These children need to get an education just like every child in America deserves an education. I'm not saying the families can't or shouldn't home school their children. I do think we need to ensure that all children who are home schooled are actually getting a good education. This goes for all types of families that are homeschooling. Testing once a year, ensuring curriculum meets or exceeds the educational standards is important. Should society dictate if parents want to teach that polygamy is part of their religion? No, even our courts have upheld that a parent has the right to teach polygamy to their children.
You hardly ever hear about another community in Colorado City, Arizona. It's called Centennial Park, most of it's residents are living in polygamy. The majority of these families are no different than your own; they don't dress any differently, they put their children first in their lives and they don't abuse our welfare system. Many of these families have successful businesses, they educate their children and they own their own homes. Some of them are actually quite lavish. This suburb doesn't have walls of isolation, these people aren't living on compounds. Some of them believe in homeschooling, but many of them send their children to the local public school. Which is just like the average public school in your neighborhood and across our country. There is one exception, there are more parent volunteers at that school than the average public school. Why? Because polygamy gives parents the freedom of having more people to share in responsibility. Therefore, they have the free time to volunteer in the classroom.
Our society wants children to know that LOVE is what creates a family. Children are now taught in public school and even on Sesame Street that families comes in all different shapes and sizes. It isn't having a two parent household that makes a family. What makes us a family is what binds us all together and that is LOVE. When there is love in a family, when children are living in an environment free of abuse, this is when children blossom. It is then that they become who they are intended to be. They can live up to their full potential. Who doesn't want that for every child? Wouldn't this world be a better place if every child had that opportunity?
Polygamy has many advantages. There are more people to ensure the children are nurtured, well cared for and loved. Having additional positive role models in a child's life isn't a bad thing, is it? Today, our society has very few present parents. There is a lack of family values, people want to put themselves first and are interested in instant gratification. In a poly family people share, they work together.
Poly marriages are not for everyone, I understand that. So, don't get the wrong idea. I do believe that poly marriages should not be illegal. A poly marriage should never be forced on someone. This is not about a husband breaking his marriage vows. What I am trying to express is that if all the adults consent to a poly marriage and that the first wife wants to bring in another spouse, who is society to say she is wrong? Our government should stay out of it. Weed out and punish the abusers, everyone should be in support of that, but don't punish all poly families. My husband made his vows to me, not the government. If I want to release him of that covenant and take new vows together with our new spouse isn't that up to me? We believe in love, not force. This isn't just my husbands idea, this is something I want very much for our family. I'm looking forward to having a sisterwife/co wife. The bond between sisterwives/co wives can be amazing, it doesn't have to mean jealousy and insecurity.
There are many poly families living in suburbs right outside your front door. Maybe your surprised to hear that, perhaps you don't believe me. It's true. Poly families don't just live in compounds. They don't all live in places like Colorado City. We live in a gorgeous golf course community, in an excellent school district. For quite some time we had a poly family living right across the street from us. There were 3 wives, one husband. The husband and the first wife worked outside the home, the other two wives stayed at home taking care of the children. They dressed just like every other person in our community. They are just live everyone else, they have goals, dreams and want what is best for their family. The only difference is the family has more than one wife. There is more than one mother, the women work together and share their husband. This doesn't mean the husband loves one of his wives any more or less than the other. They were well educated, they weren't ignorant or fanatical. When our neighbors got to know them they found they were a very loving family, caring people and good citizens in our community.
Bringing in another wife doesn't have to mean your husband loves you any less. Wanting another wife in the family doesn't mean the first wife is lacking in some way. I'm secure enough to know this for a fact. Our family is open to the possibility of something even better, with growth comes change, I realize that. It doesn't mean that this change has to be negative. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but that is life isn't it? My marriage is very passionate, we are affectionate and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for one another. None of that is going to change when we add another spouse to our family. My husband is faithful, he's a good man and a good father. There is no reason why I can't share that with a woman we both grow to love. What is right for our marriage is up to us.
Abuse will never be a part of our lives, it will never be a part of our marriage. Abuse is something we would never tolerate. We will always believe in putting our family first. This will not change when our family takes vows with another spouse.
Sister wives or co-wives have a bond that not everyone can understand, having that bond is something I am really looking forward to. There is a saying that, "It takes a Village to Raise a Child". I believe it to be true. Can there ever be enough love in a family? Can there truly ever be too much nurturing and support for children? I don't think so, neither does my husband. We are very present parents, who each add to our children's lives in our own way. We compliment each other, discuss things and parent together. Our children are turning out all the better for it. I believe the right person will only add to our children's development. You can never have enough positive role models in a child's life.
What I dream about in a sister wife/co wife is that she will add to the love in our marriage and family. My husband is a good man, he is a wonderful father and I know he will make a wonderful spouse to our new partner. I'm not threatened by sharing him, I know some would be. I'm not saying poly living is for everyone. We will both love our new partner and that will only add to our love, it doesn't take away from it.
What I want is for my children to be my new spouse's children, for us to be one big family. Not too separate families. Women can support each other in amazing ways when they work together. Just as my husband is my best friend, I'm looking for our new spouse to be another best friend as well. We can support and encourage each other, working as partners in our new marriage. Who wouldn't look forward to being there for a sister wife when she is ready to have children? When that time comes I will share in the joy with my sister wife and our husband. That said, we aren't rushing into anything, we want to take our time and make sure we find the right spouse. That is as important for us as it is for her. Marriage is a big commitment, poly marriage is no different, when we commit to our new spouse she will be a part of our family in every way. If she already has children, they will be a part of our family in every way as well.
Our family does just about everything together, we are very close. Yet there are times when I would really enjoy having another woman around. We can do things together that the boys might not be interested in doing together. There are times when it will be nice to have another woman's point of view. Someone with whom I am fully ready to share the love of my husband with, that is what I'm looking for in a new spouse.
That said, we are not looking to add a string of wives. We believe two wives in our family will be the perfect number for us. Together instead of a couple we will be a trouple! I'm not judging poly families that have more, but just like poly living isn't for everyone, more than two wives isn't for us. Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, "Polygamy is not as bad as people think. I would rather be third in line to a good man, than the only wife of a jerk". I believe that is true. I have a wonderful husband, he has supported me in everything I do. When I was pregnant with our fourth, I had several of the nurses tell me that they had never seen a more attentive husband. My perinatologist said the very same thing. My husband is protective, yet loving. He is strong, but also passionate and tender. He's not afraid to show affection, yet he is a man in every sense of the word. He is never abusive in any way. My opinion means something to him, he values my input, he is always fair and never callous. He is head of the family and a positive male role model for our children. Friends are constantly telling me how lucky I am to have Scott, I know it. He feels lucky to have me. When we find the right person, we will feel fortunate to have found her. We have a great marriage. I don't believe people should pursue polygamy without a great marriage. Poly living will not fix your marriage, it isn't fair to bring someone into a marriage that doesn't have a strong foundation. We have that, why wouldn't I want to share that with someone else?
We are very affectionate, we have a passionate marriage, this has only grown over the years. It hasn't diminished. Having another wife in our marriage will not diminish this. Our new spouse will have a full partnership in our marriage, she will not be a second class citizen. In some ways poly living gives women more freedom, not less. There are more people to nurture the children. The family only has more love and encouragement, they can truly support each other in every aspect of their lives. We will support our new spouse in her goals and dreams the same way we do with each other now. What could possibly be wrong with that?
This isn't about giving up something in our marriage, it's about adding to it.
"Everything for the Family" is the way we live our lives." Nothing is more important to us than our family and friends. There isn't anything we wouldn't do for those we love. We are 36 and 38 years of age. Together we've been blessed with four children, all boys, whom we love very much. We are raising them to be responsible, respectful young men. We are present parents in every way. We believe that with lots of love, support and encouragement children grow up to become the people they were intended to be. Children need nurture and guidance, along with parents who can provide for all their needs. One of the most important gifts you can give your children is the gift of your time and attention. We believe just like marriage parenting is a partnership.
Our marriage is important to us, we take time to nurture it on a regular basis. We enjoy regular 'date' nights out and enjoy eating out, going to hear live music and dancing. Our friends like to joke that you never see one of us without the other and that is true. We truly enjoy spending time with each other and wouldn't want it any other way. We believe that for a poly-marriage to work you need to have a strong foundation.
We are two soul mates looking for another soul mate with whom we can share our love & lives. One who will be a part of our marriage and family in every way. When the time is right we would like to have more children. We know we have enough love to share our lives with another spouse and look forward to having an amazing bond with another person. We are secure enough to know that more love will only add to our family it won't take away from it.
We are Christians, who believe in God. We are not swingers, we're not doing this on a whim or to spice up our marriage. For us this is about commitment. We have talked about this for a long time and believe this is the right time to begin our journey. As we set upon our path of looking for another soul mate this blog is a part of our journey.